Nic:  Catholic and Gay
 [Editor’s Note:  Nic, a member of Acceptance Australia, gave this talk at a forum during the World Youth Day in Australia].

Before I begin, I’d like to say that the labels ‘Catholic’ and ‘gay’ do describe me. I am a Catholic and I am gay. Being a Catholic is important to me; being gay is important to me. But so too is being a good son, partner, soldier, friend…I want to point out that being Catholic and gay isn’t all that I am and doesn’t describe me totally…I suppose I’m reminding you that I’m a human being and, like yourselves, am made up of many different aspects.

 Though today, being Catholic and gay is why I’m here to talk to you.

 I’m going to talk about being gay in relation to being Catholic and what this means to me. Firstly, I’ll give you some background on my upbringing and then talk about how I came to terms with being gay. I’ll then go on to discuss how I reconcile being Catholic and gay – in other words – how I’ve gone about living my baptismal promise in a church whose leadership rejects me for who and how I love.

 Like most of you, I grew up in typical Catholic fashion; attending Catholic schools, going to mass and learning the various prayers. One of my earliest memories is of Dad paying me 2c for each prayer I correctly memorised from the Rosary and the Mass – I would have been about 4 or 5.

 My Mother was a nun when she met my father. They fell in love and she began another vocation: that of raising a family. Looking back, my family life was loving and caring and I learnt what love is through the example of my parents – an example a lucky man is currently trying to live up to. Homosexuality was rarely discussed in our family, although I certainly understood where my parents stood on the issue.

 Growing up, the most positive message I heard regarding homosexuality was the typical Christian message of, ‘it isn’t the person but the act we disapprove of’… a message that puzzled me as a kid. My parents spoke highly of celibacy as a vocation and how Mum had left religious life so that their love could be expressed physically as well as spiritually and emotionally. It puzzled me why homosexuals were expected to be celibate if they hadn’t received that vocation – asked for it, or been ordained…it seemed like it was a punishment. Today I’m not so much puzzled as annoyed by this subtle homophobia. It is easy for straight people to say ‘just don’t have sex,’ since it’s something they’d never have to give up personally, though I wonder if they understand the implications of separating the homosexual from homosexuality; denying someone the ability to love with their whole being – emotionally, spiritually and physically.

 I have known I was attracted to men from a young age and some time later understood that this meant I was gay. I have always been gay and there is no reason to suggest I’ll be un-gay tomorrow or anytime in the future. I certainly didn’t choose to be attracted to men and didn’t want to be. If it had been a choice, as some believe, I would have chosen not to be. Why? For many reasons, but primarily because I didn’t want to be different. Who would want to be gay and subject themselves to potentially all kinds of discrimination and torment? Of course now I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 Whether or not one is Catholic, denying one’s homosexuality is common, so it is difficult for me to determine whether it was the Church or society that made me so determined to deny my sexuality – probably a combination of the two. I remember at an early age reading what the Church had to say about homosexuality in my Dad’s copy of ‘Catechism of the Catholic Church’ – it wasn’t particularly encouraging. However, I heard worse messages in the media and the playground. What is more obvious to me is the role Catholicism has played in accepting my sexuality; the realisation that God made me this way and loves me for who I am, and therefore, so should I.

 My Catholic upbringing provided me with the gifts of prayer, love and the Eucharist. I am grateful for the emphasis placed on being a good person, loving your neighbour, and following the ideals of the gospel. Whether at school during the week or at Mass on the weekend, the Church played a central role in my religious and personal development. I don’t think I’ve had a religious thought or experience that has not come to me in one way or another from the Church. In this sense, it has been the channel of every grace I have received.

 Looking back, my Catholic education provided me with the skills I’d need to come to terms with being gay. At my Christian Brother’s High School, religious education focused on issues of social justice. It was the first time I’d really thought about and been challenged by various forms of injustice and oppression. I remember learning about my conscience and how to make decisions based on what I knew and what my conscience told me to do.

 However, it was years later that all this learning came together in my head. I simply wasn’t ready to hear the message of love and acceptance that I was hearing in various forms at school and at church. Unfortunately, it took several more years of denying who I was before I could openly acknowledge my sexuality – even say the words ‘I am gay.’ During this time, gay sexual encounters stirred up conflicting emotions; feelings of intimacy and passion along with feelings of guilt and shame. Ironically, promiscuous gay sex was a path to God. The need for redemptive love and forgiveness kept us in constant communication.

 Not wanting to be gay, I got married. I thought that if I got married I would be able to live a happy normal – straight - life. I really thought I could do it, even if I knew I would be living a lie; pretending to love someone in a way that I couldn’t - with my whole being – physically, emotionally, spiritually – the way I was meant to love a man. Getting married was a big mistake but the wake-up call I needed. For the first time in my life I had hurt other people because of the lie I was living. That I had been hurting myself all along I hadn’t really acknowledged or cared particularly about – it was better than being openly gay– but now I was involving others – and hurting them. With time and the help of prayer, I realised I had to be honest with myself and others – just be who I am – be who God made me.

 I have read, and believe, that the greatest gift you can give yourself is to be yourself. For me, part of this gift is to be gay and allow myself to be gay. And it is a gift from God.

 As I said before, I never left God on the long road to acknowledging my sexuality, nor the Church. Why?

 I believe God calls us to lives of love, regardless of how or who we love. For me, this love is for a man. I believe God loves me not because I’m Catholic, or gay - society is what puts those labels on me – it is because I have been created in the image of God. It’s the belief that God loves me for who I am regardless of label – regardless of who I love – regardless of what Rome might have to say on the issue.

 How can I be gay and Catholic? – is it a question or an incredible statement? The two identities are viewed by some as incompatible. I disagree.

 Like most born Catholics my beliefs were simply accepted; instilled by my parents, school and the Parish Priest. But as I’ve come to terms with being gay I’ve had to examine my faith, making a distinction about what is essential in Church teaching, and what, according to my conscience is not.

 This doesn’t mean I’ve given up on Church teaching, rather I challenge it with its own teaching - a real blessing in my life that has brought me closer to God. Had I not been gay I may never have felt the need to move beyond a blind acceptance of what church leaders taught; for this I am grateful.

  I believe that the Church’s teaching that homosexual actions are inherently sinful is wrong. Acceptance of my homosexuality has allowed me to love another person with all my being, and in this sense, it is a vehicle for my salvation. Yes, the church ascribes sinfulness to my actions, but I see my homosexual actions in terms of love. Love is at the centre of Catholic teaching – the love of God for us and the love for others, and for me, this is what is important.

 I’m not sure of the impact on me personally if the Church changed its position on homosexuality. I’ve already reconciled being Catholic and gay and become much closer to God as a result. However, for other gay Catholics, the Church’s teaching results in a rejection of their baptismal promise – at minimum. It is for them, and the next generation of Catholics who are gay – and don’t yet know it - that I pray the Church changes its position on homosexuality.

 This WYD is a great opportunity for the Church to speak to its youth – of whom no small number will be gay. It has the opportunity to enter into dialogue with everyone – not just gay people - and remind them of what is really important - the sacraments, the creed, and the life of Christ as an example to follow. It is an opportunity to let all its youth know that it is irrelevant who they love – be it a man or a woman – only that they love.

 -- Nick Lopez