Sister Marge O’Gorman, FSM
On Becoming a Nonviolent Presence

When I first began lesbian and gay ministry, I was inspired by the story of St. Francis embracing the lepers.  I knew I was moving to the margins of society to serve with those who have been condemned by some and misunderstood by most, but until I began to get involved in their lives, I didn’t realize how deeply rejected many of our lesbian and gay sisters and brothers feel.   

At first I just listened.  And then I listened more deeply.  I listened until I began to hear with the “ear of my heart.”  And I heard things like, “I still have major problems with the Catholic Church, but I at least feel better knowing that I am not as hated by a large group of people as I may have thought before.”  Comments like this made me wonder what it must be like to live with that kind of suspicion.  And I wondered what it would take to extend a compassionate presence that could heal those wounds.  

As I made this journey with my new community, I began to sense that I was holding a lot of people in my heart.  Time went on and the number grew and I could feel my heart expand as that was happening.  Story after story was so compelling.  “I really felt reconnected tonight to parts of my past that I thought I had to give up as a lesbian because of what seemed like a complete incompatibility.  However, tonight’s experience helped me reconnect, if even for a moment, to parts of my past and it felt really good.  I felt empowered and as if a part of me had come back to life again.”

I stood in awe of such statements and the people who made them.  What they wanted from me and our ministry seemed so simple, yet it was also so profound.  It reminded me that there is a great deal of violence in the words we use and how we treat one another.  Members of our community are called defective and morally depraved by some of the people they share a pew with in church.  They experience discrimination and oppression in housing and at their workplace.  Many people react to them based on a stereotype that being gay or lesbian is to be not “masculine” enough or not “feminine” enough.  Others may have exaggerated notions about their sexuality, not realizing that these same images of hyper-sexuality have been used to oppress others throughout the centuries.  African Americans have been accused of that as well as Jewish people; and for centuries women were looked upon mainly as objects of temptation. 

The people whom I have met simply want to love as they were created to love.  They long for committed relationships and want to have normal lives.  Being lesbian or gay is not so much about sex for them as it is about identity.  The question for them is, “Who am I in this world and in God’s creation?  Am I deserving of a place at the table?  Can I be loved for who I am?” And aren’t these the same questions that ultimately we all ask ourselves? 

Fear of ridicule and rejection, the threat of job loss and physical violence are things that our gay and lesbian sisters and brothers live with everyday.  Countering the violence of these words, attitudes and threats requires sensitivity, openness, acceptance and unconditional love, all of which are aspects of nonviolent presence.

After a while in this ministry, I began to meet some of the people who criticized this community I had grown to love.  One man in particular accused me of “encouraging children to think they were gay.”  He thought that in doing that I was approving of some kind of sickness.  One woman refused to shake my hand because she considered me to be too “gay friendly.”  These attitudes shocked and surprised me.  I found myself torn, how could I love and accept someone who condemned people I loved and who condemned me for standing in solidarity with them?  I found myself challenged again to make room in my heart for them and I also found that I was very reluctant to do so.  I would rather write them off.  It was easy to be judgmental about them.  But they came to me with their questions, their fears and concerns.  I was engaged in conversation with them as well and had to accept them in whatever condition they presented themselves.  I began to feel some compassion for them in their struggles even if they could not articulate them well and even if I was puzzled about the issues that brought them to my door. 

But I had yet to discover others whom I met indirectly.  This included people who worshiped with us who could not even talk with me or our community about it.  But they talked to others.  These it was harder to hold in my heart because I did not even know who they were.  There were still others who I knew, but who did not invite me or members of our community into dialogue with them, in fact they kept us at a distance.  The line of people occupying my mind and heart grew longer and longer and I wondered at times how I could hold the conflict they had with each other and with me in my heart as well. 

 Just as St. Francis inspired me to enter into this ministry, I found comfort and challenge in his words to love and accept even those who hurt us.   “Love those who do things to you and do not wish anything different from them.  Do not wish that they be better Christians.   If anyone has sinned (against you) and looks into your eyes, may they never depart without your mercy.  Love them more than (you love me).  Draw them to the Lord and always be merciful.” 

I started out with a dream to build an inclusive Church.  I thought this Church would be filled with those who were on the margins, but easy to love.  Then I noticed that a truly inclusive Church really does include everyone, those in the center as well as those on the margins.  Everyone is a living stone that we use to build the Church.  To truly be Church we need not just some of them, but all of them.  I cannot keep out those who disagree with me, even if I and those I love are hurt by our differences.  This has been the challenge of nonviolence for me, to continue to love and reach out even to those I find it difficult to love.  It has become part of my dream for the Beloved Community and part of my reality as I continue on this journey allowing the Spirit to create a nonviolent presence in me.     ###